I know I haven’t posted in forever. I apologize, I’ve been too busy working my ass off in school. No one is probably going to read this, but I need to vent before I stab someone.
Okay. So my father explicitly said, multiple times, that if I make top 10 in my class (of around 900 students) I can go to college anywhere I’d like. Well, I was number 11 last year. And I have been working HARD to get into top ten. I think I can really do it. Of course, there’s a twist. My father is a lying, over protective, manipulative bastard.
The college of my dreams is hosting an informational session nearby this weekend. I asked if we could go. He agreed. I reminded him today. Apparently, he scheduled a meeting that day. Why the hell would he do that when he already agreed we could go? According to him, I’m not going to go to that college anyway, so what would be the point? And why wouldn’t I go to that college?
Well. I would LOVE to go to that college. It’s pretty much perfect. Small Liberal Arts. Great teachers who are involved in the students’ lives. Great reputation for academics. Good facilities. Good social opportunities, chances to spread my wings. But the selling point is the amazing student body - absolutely unique. I’ve looked long and hard for students like that at other colleges, especially one closer to home. But there isn’t a comparable college. Only problem with my dream college is that it’s on the otherside of the country.
My dad says I won’t go to the college because it’s too far away. He doesn’t say that he doesn’t want me to go there, that he prefer I go some where closer. No. He say’s I WON’T go there. End of story. Top ten and go anyway my fucking ass. There is only ONE good school in my entire state, the one he wants me to go to. And believe me when I tell you I won’t get in there. They put too much of an emphasis on extracurriculars, which my parents have restricted me from doing out of paranoia and overprotectiveness. Now that, ladies and gentlemen, is irony in the true sense. The school he wants me to go to will not accept me because of limits he has placed. You’d think he’d get the picture: his overprotectiveness is suffocating me and holding me back at the same time. But of course he doesn’t. He’s too fucking stubborn. He always thinks he’s fucking right. I tell him I won’t get in, I give him my reasons. His response? Well then I should just go to another school nearby. Any school. It doesn’t matter if it’s a bad school. At least I’d be one of their top students.
Forget any other factors. At least I would have a GPA. How happy I would be at college? Doesn’t matter. If I’m surrounded by conservatives (majority of the population in this state) who jump down my throat whenever I defend gay marriage, abortion, or the like? Doesn’t matter. Whether or not I actually learn? Doesn’t matter. All that matters is that I still make good grades and he can still watch me. As a matter of fact, he said his plan was for me to go to the one good school in this state and then buy a house in that same city. So he basically wanted to follow me to college. Yeah. I’m definitely going to grow up like this. My self-reliance and independence? Never going to exist.
We started arguing. Every reason he threw at me not to go to my dream school, I countered with reasonable information. Because I had done my reasearch. I know what I’m talking about. Of course, he doesn’t think that. Quite the opposite. He’s smarter than me. He has more experience in such matters. Right. Neither of my parents went to college. They know good grades are a must. Either than that, nothing. So he was being condescending toward me without any reason. This wasn’t a last minute whim. I’ve thoroughly investigated the college. Just because he hasn’t heard of it, that makes it no good? On the contrary. It’s one of the top liberal arts in the nation. It’s far away, so something could happen to me? Oh, but I looked into campus safety. It’s cold? I’m willing to deal with that. It’s too far away for him to follow me to college, so it’s out of the question.
At least I have my priorities straight. I want to go to this college because I think it’d help develop my critical thinking skills and branch out. Because it’s good preparation for med school. It’s not that I want to disown my family. I just don’t want their shackles on me any more. I want to grow and mature. He doesn’t trust me enough to let me try.
Basically, it came down to this: if I don’t do what he wants, he won’t help pay for college. That pissed me off. After sixteen years of promises… All bullshit. And you know what? His complete lack of belief in me is just going to push me forward. He won’t pay? Fine. I will find a way to make it happen. My loans may be massive when I’m done, but at least I’d make it out alive knowing I could survive on my own.
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